


I Got Nothing Left Inside of My Chest

by redkislington



Series: Stiles Makes a Boyfriend [8]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with eventual fluff, Derek Hale fails at baking, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Fluff in Next Chapter, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:03:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redkislington/pseuds/redkislington
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Stiles' Birthday and Derek wants to give Stiles something meaningful to show him how much he means to the alpha. The night doesn't end as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This took a silly amount of time to finish, and I'm not really happy with it but I've been staring at it for days and can't figure out how to fix it so yeah. Sorry for the long wait, things this week have been insanity in RL so I haven't had much time to sit and write so if I didn't have it all written already it wasn't going up. :/ 
> 
> Title from the song All Alright by fun.

It was Stiles' birthday, his nineteenth, and Derek was sitting in his own kitchen, pouting, because he'd tried to make something for Stiles, and he'd heard that cupcakes weren't really that hard to make, but somehow his had caved in and the frosting was too runny to stay on them. The _taste,_ oh, the taste was going to give him nightmares for _months_.

 

Derek wondered when he'd gotten in the habit of pouting at food. Probably around the same time he realized he was in love with Stiles.

 

He sighed and gathered up all of his failed attempts – he wasn't going to count them, he wasn't, that would just make him even more depressed – and dumped them in the trash. He slapped the sheet pan onto the table with a huff and looked around the mess of his little kitchen for a moment, when his phone went off in his pocket. _Great._

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey.” Stiles cheerful voice came through the line, and he heard a door close through the line. Stiles must've just gotten home. “You still coming tonight?”

 

Derek frowned. He'd have to come up with something to give Stiles. He wasn't going to show up empty handed. But... Stiles had always said that he felt gifts made were more heartfelt than one's bought. Derek cared for Stiles, he wanted to show Stiles just how much he cared. Just going out and buying something? That wasn't going to show it too well.

 

But he wanted to see Stiles. He wanted to wish Stiles a happy birthday, hopefully make it a happy birthday. He paused a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, yeah I will. At seven?”

 

“Mmm.” Stiles hummed, the sound of crinkling plastic coming through the phone. “I'll see you then.” Derek could almost hear Stiles' smile through the phone. Derek swallowed when the phone clicked off as Stiles hung up and pulled it away to stuff back into his pocket. Derek sometimes really didn't understand why Stiles always seemed so happy to have him around. Derek was still grumpy and anti-social, though granted not as much as he used to be, but still. Stiles had grown into this amazing, funny, handsome man, there were people he'd met at college who practically threw themselves into Stiles direction for friendship or more. Stiles had better people he could look forward to being around over Derek.

 

Derek sighed and walked out of the loft. He would find something for Stiles. He would.

 

 

When Derek showed up, he could hear music thumping loud in the apartment. He knocked, playing idly with the gift in his pocket as he waited. He didn't have to wait long before the door opened, and there was Stiles, grinning up at him, smelling happy and like chocolate – though, Stiles always smelled off chocolate. “Derek.” He breathed, and Derek noticed that Stiles seemed a little out of breath, and there was just a little sweat beading on his forehead. “Hey.”

 

“Hi.” Derek almost whispered. He wasn't sure why, exactly. He cleared his throat and nodded inside the apartment, where there were some of Stiles' friends from college and the pack dancing. He could just see Stiles in the center of them, swaying his hips and...

 

“So... You want a drink?” Stiles voice knocked Derek of his reverie, and he blinked down at the boy. Stiles was biting his lips, and Derek felt like all the oxygen had just disappeared from the world. His lips were reddened, just starting to swell from the abuse caused by Stiles' teeth, and they were shiny from Stiles' licking over them. Derek had to use all of his control not to dive in and devour Stiles' mouth, show him just how much Derek could wreck him, starting with that tempting, tempting mouth.

 

“Yes, that'd be... yeah.” Derek muttered lamely, pulling his eyes from Stiles' mouth with a great effort.

 

Stiles smiled, then stepped aside, and Derek finally stepped inside, following after Stiles into the kitchen. “So...” Stiles started, his red mouth curling beautifully into the word, and... and Derek restrained himself. He held himself back from just jumping on Stiles and kissing the life out of him.

 

Instead, Derek looked around the party, trying to think of the best way to give Stiles his gift. He turned back to the boy and tilted his head. “Could we... go someplace private maybe?”

 

Stiles blinked up at him, his face flushing slightly, and Derek realized just how that sounded, especially given the way Derek had been acting around Stiles all night. He was glad Stiles wasn't a wolf, otherwise Derek's little secret crush probably would've been found out weeks ago. “Sure.” Stiles smiled, leading Derek out of the kitchen and down the hallway to Stiles' bedroom. The boy locked the door after them, then turned toward Derek, raising his eyebrows at the wolf.

 

Derek let out a breath, and pulled out the small trinket. It was a bracelet, with black leather strings encasing a small, blue-gray stone that seemed to change color when the moonlight hit it just so. The stone was something that he'd seen his mom wearing before, on a necklace, when she'd go to visit packs she didn't trust on their territory or when hunters were growing restless. When he'd tried to find something on the stone, the only thing he could find was it was something usually worn for protection. “It's, um... I tried to bake something but... it didn't work out so, I found that stone a while ago, something that my mom used to wear a lot.” He didn't look up to meet Stiles' eyes, feeling himself turning a darker and darker red as he spoke, lifting up Stiles' arm to tie the leather around his wrist. “It's supposed to be for protection. I dunno what else it could be used for but... it looks nice, at least?”

 

Stiles didn't speak, just slowly took his arm back once Derek was done tying it on and stared down at his arm. Derek tried not to hyperventilate, or just pass out, or do anything that was ridiculous and embarrassing. He was twenty-six, after all, not nineteen. He should be able to act smoothly and be sure of his actions instead of nearly having a heart attack just because Stiles may not like his gift. Which, why wasn't he saying something already?!

 

“Stiles?” Derek whispered, terrified to speak any louder, as he slowly looked up. “Stiles, is it-”

 

“It's perfect.” Stiles muttered, grinning wide and bright, twisting his arm around slightly to look over the stone. “I... Derek, you didn't have to give me something so personal, so important...” Stiles looked up, face flushed and just looking so ridiculously happy that Derek couldn't help smiling back. “I didn't even need anything, anyway, I mean, a card and a birthday hug or something would've been enough. This is...” Stiles paused, then dropped his hand, taking the two small steps to Derek to pull the older man into a tight, bone-crushing hug. “Thank you...”

 

Derek swallowed, nuzzling into Stiles, closing his eyes to breathe in the happy, spicy-sweet scent of him. He gripped Stiles tight, never wanting to let the boy go but knowing, eventually, he would have to. He listened to Stiles' pulse thumping quick and loud, to the boy's breathing, the sound of the music thrumming through the walls and drunken laughter from the people who had woven themselves into Stiles' life while Derek wasn't looking being drowned out by the sounds of Stiles.

 

It felt like hours passed as they were standing there, holding each other steady, Stiles' arms squeezing tight around him. And when they separated it still didn't feel like long enough. Derek choked back a whimper and looked over Stiles, taking in the flush lighting up his face and throat, the lazy, happy smile the boy flashed him, the added sparkle to his eyes that shone with joy and something else Derek couldn't quite place... Well, he could place it but... there was no way, no way Stiles – amazing, beautiful, now-confident and happy Stiles – was looking at Derek – who was broken and insecure and everything Stiles wasn't – with love in his eyes. No way. It was silly.

 

“Thank you.” Stiles said again, then a beat of silence, and he cleared his throat, nodding toward the door. “Would you... want to go have that drink now?”

 

Derek nodded, then hesitated when Stiles flashed him a grin and started walking out, opening the door and letting in the thumping music and sounds of people Derek didn't know. Stiles turned toward him, apparently sensing his reason being hesitant, and closed the door again, walking over and smiling. “They're not going to bite.” He assured Derek, and the wolf snorted, looking away. Stiles chuckled. “I mean they're cool people, they won't do anything to make you uncomfortable or hurt you or anything.” He paused a moment. “And I can be a buffer zone if you want. Stay by your side all night until you feel comfortable around them.” Stiles grinned when Derek looked back. “I've talked about you to a lot of them and I'm sure as soon as we walk out that door they'll want to ask you about everything. If it gets too overwhelming you can tell me and I can keep them off of you.”

 

Derek hesitated for another moment, before he nodded and followed after Stiles out the door. Just as he predicted, they were ambushed by a group of people around Stiles' age in various degrees of drunkenness, and Stiles, as promised, sort of pushed them off, curling an arm around Derek's waist as he moved them through the group that slowly dissipated as they got closer to the kitchen.

 

“You okay?” Stiles asked once they'd finally gotten away from everyone. He was pulling down a bottle of whiskey hidden up in the back of a cabinet as he spoke, opening another cabinet to get two glasses down. Derek wasn't going to question where Stiles got the alcohol, considering his age, or why the bottle was already about halfway empty, or tell Stiles not to drink. He swallowed as he watched Stiles fingers twisting off the cap and nodded.

 

Stiles grinned at him. “Good.” He rolled the cap off, twisting it up and into his fingers as he tipped the bottle down and filled the two glasses, rolling the cap back on and pushing the bottle to the side as he sat down at one of the stools at the table, nodding for Derek to sit across from him.

 

Derek watched, transfixed, as Stiles' fingers ran the rim of the glass in one long, slow pass, and then slid down, curling around it and bringing the amber liquid up to Stiles' soft-looking pink mouth. His throat bobbed as he swallowed, head thrown back to display all that pale, mole-spotted skin better, and as Stiles set the glass back down he dipped out his tongue, catching a last drop of liquid that never got the chance to run down the side of the glass.

 

Then Stiles did something he was used to, he babbled. He spoke animatedly about the college life; his classes, telling stories about various friends that were here at the party, complaining about his eight am class and how his teacher for his two pm class was the best teacher he'd had and... Derek didn't hear it. He was too distracted watching Stiles gesture and his mouth moving to hear. He couldn't help it. Stiles always did this too him, made him feel... feel like he was lost, a little bit. Sometimes he couldn't help just getting caught up in all of Stiles' spastic motions – now smooth and... and sensual was the only thing he could think of, now that Stiles had grown so nicely into his tall, lean frame, his newly gained muscles accentuated perfectly with his shirt and...

 

“...I love you, Derek.”

 

Derek jumped, eyes widening and his own pulse rocketing away at the words. There was no way he heard that right, none, absolutely no way. He looked up at Stiles and found the boy... grinning, smug. “Thought that'd get your attention. You were kinda zoning out there. You alright?”

 

Oh. So... he didn't mean that. Of course he didn't mean it, what was he thinking. Stiles would never feel like that about Derek. And even if he did... Stiles had a much better chance of being happy and safe with someone else, even if there were less monsters popping up in Beacon Hills now, Derek was broken. Stiles deserved someone better than Derek.

 

“Oh, yeah... I'm, I'm fine.” Derek lied, throwing back his untouched drink and wishing futilely that it would effect him for once and stood up. “I'm gonna go, let you be with your friends.”

 

“Wait, Derek-” Stiles called as he stood up. Derek ignored him, squashing down the feeling of hurt and rejection bubbling up inside him. He needed to stop getting his hopes up... after so many times of having them snatched away from him, you'd think he'd learn. He walked out of the apartment, Stiles' voice following after him until he closed the door with a quiet snap. He rushed down the hall, determined to leave and get as far away from here as possible, and just get home. He could curl up in bed and just sleep this off. If he was lucky he wouldn't wake back up for once.


	2. But It's All Alright, I Guess It's All Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Stiles reacts once Derek runs away.

_Oh crap, I'm such a damn idiot! Why did I think that was a good idea? Why?! Idiot, idiot, idiot!_

 

Stiles growled in frustration as leaned back against the wall outside his apartment. Derek was already long gone by the time he'd gotten through the crowd and out. He had no idea why those words were spilling out of his mouth, why he'd thought it was good to say them. They'd just... he thought them, and it just came out. Any other time those three little words had danced their way into his brain around Derek he'd been able to stay quiet. Why this time? Why now? Why couldn't his stupid mouth have waited until he'd at least gotten around to dating Derek. As if that would've ever happened. He snorted at himself, sighing and smacking his head back against the wall.

 

He wondered what the chances were that Derek was never going to talk to him again. Pretty high probably. Of course, his stupid mouth, ruining another great thing he had. He would've been happy staying friends with Derek, just... yeah, he wanted to be with Derek, he wanted Derek to love him back but... Chances of even getting to see Derek again now were slim.

 

“Stiles, there you are.” He looked up, seeing Allison there, giving him a small smile as she squeezed his shoulder. “Everything okay? Where'd Derek go?”

 

Stiles sighed again. At least it wasn't one of the wolves that came out to check on him. “Yeah, fine, just...” He shrugged. “I said something I shouldn't have and Derek freaked out and ran away and now he's gone and...” He took a breath. “What if he hates me now? I mean, we've been friends for three years now, close friends. I talk to him about more stuff than I do with Scott. What if he never talks to me again?”

 

Allison took everything in, waiting a few moments after he got everything out, then she shook her head. “First of all, Derek wouldn't ever hate you. Maybe when you guys first met but now?” She grinned when he huffed and squeezed his shoulder. “You should give him some time. Let him deal with whatever he has to deal with, and then you need to go talk to him.” She leaned forward pull him into a hug and smiled when they pulled back. “Everything will work out, Stiles.”

 

Yeah... once Derek gets as far away from Stiles as he possibly can. He sighed, but nodded. He'd do what Allison suggested. Maybe after the words weren't so fresh Derek could find a way to forgive him for crossing that line, and Stiles could go right back to just pretending he didn't have a completely inappropriate crush on the alpha.

 

 

A week and some days later found Stiles standing in front of Derek's loft, hand raised to the bell but hesitating. He hadn't heard anything from Derek since that night. Not a text or a call or anything. It was terrifying, especially when he thought about how often they'd text and talk and see each other. At least a text once every hour, and a call every night, and seeing each other at least once a week if Stiles' class schedule and the monsters of Beacon Hills allowed it. They always found time for each other. And Derek avoiding him through texts and calls was worrying. What if Derek... What if he was gone? He could've packed up after that night and left and... Stiles would have no way of finding him...

 

He sucked in a breath and tried desperately not to cry. Why was he such an idiot?

 

There was a loud clanging sound that had Stiles jumping, then the door was pulling open and... and there was Derek. Stiles' breath caught at the sight of him; Derek's stubble was leaning more toward beard now, and he was dressed in only a tank top and a pair of sweats. He looked tired. Exhausted actually, exhausted fit more. It was almost like they were taken back in time when they were constantly being attacked by something, and none of them got the chance for sleep. It hurt seeing Derek like this. It hurt knowing that Stiles was probably the cause of this, because of his uncontrollable mouth.

 

“What is it, Stiles.” Derek drawled, leaning against the door frame, his voice rough.

 

Stiles swallowed, dropping his eyes to his shoes as he spoke. “I'm... I'm sorry about what I said. I wasn't thinking, I didn't mean to offend you or... or anything like that. I was just...” He didn't really know what he was doing then, really, even after thinking over it again and again since, he still had no idea why the hell he said it. He meant the words, but... just because he meant them didn't mean he had to go and say them.

 

Derek was quiet, and again, it was like a trip back in time. He was so used to Derek talking, maybe not as much as he did but Derek still spoke and smiled a little bit and laughed occasionally now. The absence of that was... just weird. It made Stiles' chest hurt. He squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself to be slammed up against something or yelled at, or for the door to slam in his face. Something. Anything. It would be better than Derek just standing there not speaking.

 

Then, finally, after what felt like eternity, Derek spoke. “It didn't offend me.” He said carefully, then Derek was shifting, and Stiles felt large, warm hands closing over his shoulders. He opened his eyes and looked up. The alpha's face was expressionless, completely blank. He paused a moment then stepped back, letting his hands fall from Stiles' shoulders. “Did you mean it?”

 

Stiles' heart stopped. Oh god, this was it. Derek would be able to tell he was lying. If Stiles lied and said no he would tell. Derek would probably punch him in the face or something. And... and if he said yes... Would he be more forgiving if Stiles told the truth? Probably not but... he could hope. Stiles closed his eyes, already flinching back from the inevitable impact of Derek's fist in his face as he answered, small and quiet. “Yes.”

 

The impact never came. There was no sound of Derek growling and flinging him into a wall, or of him reeling back to punch him in the mouth. None of that. Instead... Derek laughed. It was soft, quiet, a soft of disbelieving huff more than laughter but...

 

Stiles yelped as he felt those hands on his shoulders again, this time pulling him into the loft. The door slammed shut behind him, and suddenly Stiles was pressed up against the cool metal of it and the heat of Derek's body. And... and Derek was... Derek was pressing his forehead to Stiles, chuckling, sounding like the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders. “You... I do too.” Derek finally said, and...

 

“What?” Stiles breathed, staring up at the alpha, who was smiling, looking all the world like he'd just won the best prize he could get out of anything in the world. “What do you mean, you do too... what?”

 

Derek closed his eyes, leaning more into Stiles' space, and breathed. “Love you... I, I do too. I... I love you, Stiles.”

 

Fuck. No, he was dreaming, he was- OW. Okay, not dreaming. Then... he really did hear Derek just say...

 

Stiles grinned, wide and happy, and wrapped his hands around the back of Derek's neck, pulling him into a kiss. If he didn't kiss Derek right that second he would've burst, because... because Derek loved him back! That was... three years of loving Derek, from his little teenage crush to actually developing real feelings for the wolf, loving him as more than just a friend, of having his little daydreams of them together. Derek Hale loved Stiles Stilinski back!

 

“How long?” Stiles breathed when they parted, sucking in large gulps of air, his hands slipped down over Derek's chest, feeling it rise and fall beneath his fingers.

 

Derek shrugged, and blushed. “A while, I guess. About three years ago but I actually realized it when you started baking for me.” Derek answered, sounding slightly embarrassed.

 

So... about two or so years. God, they were idiots. “Oh god we're dumb.” Stiles groaned, leaning his head into Derek's shoulder. “I thought we were over the emotionally stunted thing but apparently not...”

 

Derek laughed, then suddenly he pulled back a bit more, looking over Stiles seriously. “I... Before anything gets too serious, I want you to figure out if this is what you really want.” Derek warned. “I'm... not exactly the best with relationships.” And Stiles didn't need reminded. Derek's past and love live was something he didn't like to dwell on, mostly because when he did he ended up wanting to curl up into a ball and sob. “I might not be too great to be around some days, and you'll be in danger a lot more than usual.”

 

Stiles took it in, nodding along with Derek. He'd thought about it before, too, about why being in love with Derek was a bad thing, and how a relationship with him might not be the best but... it was what he wanted. He wanted to be with Derek, because Derek was one of the few people he felt would understand. Stiles would have his bad days, too, and he wasn't exactly one of the calmest people to be around. He would probably drive Derek up the wall most days. Stiles was younger, less experienced in everything, but he would give his life for Derek, as he's shown time and time again, and as Derek has shown him, as well. They were exact opposites almost, but sometimes they actually... fit. Especially now, that they'd both felt each other out a little, they know each other better, and they've been through life-changing experiences together. They just... fit, a lot of the time actually. And Stiles... Stiles couldn't see his life without one grumpy Derek Hale in it.

 

“I want this.” Stiles said slowly, carefully, watching Derek's face as he spoke. “I want you. I want you on the good days, and the bad days.” He swallowed, dropping his eyes to Derek's chest, where his hands were tracing little spirals on warm, firm skin. “I want you there to kiss me at my graduation. I want to have you there to hold me on my bad days, and to let me hold you on yours. I want to have sex with you, and the fights we're bound to have, and the make up sex after them. I want to be able to wake up with you next to me, to be able to trace your tattoo in the morning and get so caught up in how well we fit together, and how warm and perfect our bed is that I'm late for class. I...” Stiles breathed out, concentrating on the feeling of Derek's stuttering breaths, the feeling of Derek's eyes on him. “I want you, Derek. I want all of it, I want all of you, I-”

 

Stiles' words were cut off by Derek, who ducked down, pressing their mouths together in a fierce, passionate kiss that had Stiles forgetting to breath and think. He slowly curled his arms around Derek's neck, closing his eyes to just feel. He didn't know how much time had passed, the two of them trading control of the kiss back and forth, licking into each others mouths with soft moans, Derek letting out little growls that made Stiles shudder.

 

Eventually Derek pulled back, panting, but grinning, looking happier than Stiles could ever remember seeing him. The alpha took a moment, shifting around until he could hook his hands under Stiles' thighs, lifting him up to carry him out of the doorway to the bed in the living room. Stiles could never be happier for the awkward arrangement of Derek's furniture, because it meant getting to see Derek for the first time, and getting to sex – _finally_ – faster. Stiles was always getting to sex faster.

 

“Come on.” Stiles said when Derek just looked down at him, lifting up to tug his shirt off. “Clothes off, we've missed out on this for too damn long.” He flung his shirt off to the floor and settled back down to start working on his pants, distracted for a moment when Derek smirked and pulled his tank top off in one smooth, fluid move. Dear god it should be _illegal_ how sexy that is...

 

Derek leaned down, licking a stripe up from the trail of dark hair below his belly button to his chest, eyes slowly melting from the green-gray to red. Stiles wasn't going to survive this. “God...”

 

“Derek's fine.” The alpha teased, surprising a laugh out of Stiles. He swatted at the older man, letting his hands fall to the side and watching Derek return his attention to Stiles' body. Derek's tongue was doing completely illegal things to his collarbone and nipples as Derek's hands worked Stiles jeans off the rest of the way, his puddling over them almost immediately after.

 

The alpha sat back, panting, looking over Stiles' pale, flushed skin. The younger man smirked, spreading his arms out and arching up into Derek's body, shivering when he moaned. He licked his lips and tilted his head back, exposing his neck, taking in the way Derek's eyes flashed with delight. “Come and get me, big bad.”

 

Derek blinked at him, then growled and dove in, making Stiles cry out.

 

To think... for once, Stiles' lack of filter actually worked out for him. _Beautifully..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a tumblr now! :D I mostly reblog stupid stuff and TW stuff. Buuuut I'm gonna start saying when I update fics so if you want to keep up on that (or like stupid stuff) here's my [page](http://rarajoeyanna.tumblr.com/).

**Author's Note:**

> I have a tumblr now! :D I mostly reblog stupid stuff and TW stuff. Buuuut I'm gonna start saying when I update fics so if you want to keep up on that (or like stupid stuff) here's my [page](http://rarajoeyanna.tumblr.com/).


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